1. The hottest girls go for guys in letter jackets. The closer the arm patch looks to a football, the better looking she will be.

2. If you don't have a car you can do okay with a letter jacket.

3. Teachers have problems too. So don't push them too far. I've seen them snap. It's not pretty. Did you see the Alien come out of that guy's belly in the movie? They got the idea from a teacher. Enough said.

4. High school, on the one hand, doesn't prepare you for anything, except maybe a career in the military or the Jesuit priesthood. Only in the service or the seminary do you have to march from one place to another every time someone rings a bell.

5. On the other hand, it gives you a real taste of the real world. In the real world, someone is always flashing their money or hips at you if you have something they want. Someone is always showing off. Someone is always trying to kick your butt for no good reason. And someone is always hitting you up for money.

6. If you're not that bright, that's okay. I am one of the three most famous people to graduate from my high school, and I was a solid B-/C student. I have the satisfaction of, whichever room I enter, knowing that I'm probably the dumbest guy in the room. And yet people ask for my autograph. It's very satisfying.

7. You will learn in high school that women will judge your worth on how good looking you are, how popular you are, or how much money you have. In that order. This never changes.

8. Rich kids will always have their parents get them off the hook. Poor kids always take the heat themselves. This never changes. The only satisfaction you can take from this is that rich kids usually end up in rehab, while poor kids end up rich.

9. If your dad's not the biggest booster to the football team, don't expect to play much.

10. Remember where you begin is not as important as where you end up.